Shinigami in Waiting
by Purdy
Summary: This takes place when the pilots are resting on Peacemillion. Duo cotemplates about his life, his friends, and the war. This is my first fanfic, please give it a chance.


AN: This is my first Gundam Wing fanfic, so please go easy on me. I know this idea has probably already been down a million times over but if you do read it, please review. Thank you.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not owe Gundam Wing or anything related to it.   
  
  
  
Shinigami in Waiting   
  
  
  
  
"Wars take too many lives away. People never forget the grief, but they also never stop the fighting. Streams of blood and tears are only an ornament for their destructive ritual."   
  
  
-Duo Maxwell, Gundam Wing   
  
  
  
  
He leaned against the wall in silence (for once), staring off into space. His eyes started to   
wander and he glanced at each of his 'friends' in the room. The only sound that came from the room was   
their breathing and the occasional moving of chess pieces against the board where Wufei and Quatre were   
deeply concentrated in a game. But Duo knew that no amount of concentration was able to take any of their   
minds off the war that was happening around them.   
  
It seemed pretty quiet right now, but so was an eye of a hurricane. The tension in the   
room seemed to grow thicker with each breath that was inhaled and exhaled. Feeling like he was running out   
of air, although he knew that was impossible, he changed his breathing to slow deep breaths, but that only   
seemed to make it even more difficult. Shifting his weight against the wall, he tilted his head to the side to   
stare out the windows of the Peacemillion spaceship. He forced a tiny smile as the stars shone back at him.   
He stared at the forever midnight sky for a few minutes before turning his attention back to the deadpan   
expressions of the four other pilots. 'Boy, does this seem like a lively party,' he thought sarcastically. But   
then again what the hell did he expect them to do? Chat happily and drink beer? Hell, no! He shook his   
head to clear the weird and disturbing vision, not knowing that his action had caught the attention of two   
of the pilots.   
  
Quatre looked up from his game, looking at him with forked eyebrows as if he were crazy. Trowa eyed Duo concernedly. Duo made eye contact with both of them and mouthed off, "I'm alright." With this, Trowa turned his emotionless glare toward the floor again. Quatre resumed playing his game but now with somewhat of an amused smirk on his face, which mad Duo raised his brow.   
  
Quatre. The only one he was quite sure that was a real friend to him. He was so kind and gentle with everyone which made Duo question why the hell a person like Quatre was involved in the war. They became close friends ever since they had made that one month escape from the bloody battles of the war. That one month vacation, which seemed all too short was the closest thing to peace the fiftteen year-old had experienced every since he became a Gundam pilot. It felt so good to have a friend again; to have someone who wasn't part of his death list or vice versa. The blonde, arabian nobleman was always there for him and even laughed at his jokes.   
  
Duo inhaled sharply as a memory flashed before his eyes. He remembered screaming at Quatre to get out of his Gundam, but the boy had resisted his orders and stayed behind to self detonate Sandrock. Seeing his friend in that position and knowing what he was about to do was more than Duo could bare. He had lost everyone he loved when he was a child; just imagining Quatre or anybody else close to him now dying just sickened him to the core.   
  
He continued to stare at Quatre surreptitiously under his bangs. Behind Quatre's mask   
of concentration, there was so much more. Duo knew all too well of the incident where Quatre had lost   
control in Wing Zero, resulting in destroying a whole entire colony and almost putting Trowa to his death.   
Duo knew that no one blamed him for it, himself especially. How could they? Quatre saw his father   
murdered and by who else? The very people he was fighting for. He couldn't possibly have known that the   
cockpit would have had that effect on him. Or did he?' Man, and I thought I had problems.' But then again,   
at least he was lucky enough to have had a father to begin with.   
  
Quatre sure had a lot to deal with. All of them did. What amazed Duo was how every   
single one of them hid all their emotions behind a mask. Sometimes he didn't know whether to admire or pity   
them for their skill. You couldn't even read their eyes. He wasn't surprised by it though. Hell, he was doing   
it right now. Or then again, he wasn't. Why was he even thinking about stuff like this now, of all times? For   
all he knew, the enemy could attack them right now and they'd be blown into oblivion! Duo smirked   
bitterly. But man, what a way to go.   
  
How ironic that would be. The self-proclaimed God of Death going down without a fight. Ha! That'd be a crying shame and a waste.   
  
The sound of a chair shfting put him out of his reverie. Heero walked across the room to a   
counter and re-filled his glass with water. He then sat back down. Duo watched him carefully, wondering about him.   
  
There was only one word to describe Heero Yuy: Enigma. The exact opposite of pure and simple. Duo could only imagine what his childhood had been like. He guessed that his superiors had made it their purpose in life to squeeze out every single drop of humanity that was in him. To mold him in to the 'Perfect Soldier." Duo shut his eyes, attempting to clear the unintentional thought of someone handing a four year old Heero a gun.   
  
The only man he knew of that was the closest thing that Heero had to a family member was Dr. J, who Duo knew had a heart. It was the only explanation on why Heero had decided not to kill Duo those numorous times-- not that Duo was complaining-- and that Heero was fighting the good battle. In a way, Dr. J was somewhat of a salvation to Heero. Him, and a certain girl...   
  
He started to think about the beautiful pacifist. 'What was her name again?... Oh yeah, Relena Darlian Peacecraft. Fancy name.' He really didn't know much about her. Only that she was the stepdaughter of   
the now dead Foreign Minister and that she was hopelessly head over heels for Heero. Duo took a second galnce at Heero, thinking he must be crazy to turn down a girl that looked like that. He smirked. If a beautiful girl like Relena would ever throw herself at me, I would--   
  
"What are you smiling at?" A hint of curiosity was heard in the montone voice.   
  
Duo jumped at Heero's voice and he started to stutter. "Oh, um.... Nothing." He forced out   
a small chuckle. "You know me." He wiped his mouth, clearing any evidence of the perverted smile he just   
had and at the same time trying to make it look like a casual gesture. He innocently stared back at Heero's   
glare until the perfect soilder finally dropped the staring contest. Duo titled his head back against the wall and   
sighed inwardly. Whew, that was close. He would hate to think what Heero would do to him if he found out what   
he was thinking of.   
  
He thought for a moment. He remebered only seeing Relena once or twice in person but he had seen her many times on television, always preaching of a pacifist world. Duo sadly closed his eyes. Her intentions was just about as pure and good hearted as winter's first fall of snow, but if she wanted to attain a pacifist world, she might as well try to bring Heaven on Earth because it was never going to happen.   
  
A smirk graced his lips again but it was small enough that not even the sharp eyes of his fellow pilots could catch it. No wonder Relena and Heero made such a good couple. They were the same. Both trying to achieve something that was out of their reach. Relena was too naive to know of the stupidity and evil of mankind and Heero was too stubborn to admitt that he wasn't and never will be the 'Perfect Soldier' because there was no such thing. They complemented each other.   
  
The stars caught his attention again. He completely turned around, propping his elbows on the sill. Just an hour ago, they were fighting out there. They'd barely made it out alive. But he had been in too many battles to start worrying about his life now. It wasn't just the fact that he was risking his life everytime he engaged in a battle that was bothering him. It was knowing that everytime he won a battle that he was one step closer to reaching peace... and one step closer to loosing his purpose in life. What was a soldier suppose to do in a peaceful world?   
  
Maybe I should go off and marry Hilde, he joked. His eyes lit up. Which might not be such a bad idea. Funny how the hardest questions sometimes came with the easiest answers. Maybe he would lose his purpose in life as a soldier after the war, but what about as a human being? Change was never easy. But whatever fate held for him after the war, he was going to face it head on. Like he always did.   
  
He wondered still... Was all this really worth it? He was fighting for peace. He wanted peace. No doubt about it. The real question was, how long was peace going to last? Was peace only supposed to be enjoyed within a short amount of time before another evil, power-hungry bastard came along and put it down like a sick dog? He hated this. These type of questions were the ones that never came with an easy answers-- if any answers at all. He'd been through it all: The bloodshed, the loss, the sacrifices. What the hell was he supposed to gain out of all that? Knowing that he was doing the right thing? Was that even enough? Wufei once said, "The weak should not fight." If peace was this delicate, was it even worth surviving? What the hell was the fucking point?!?   
  
"Checkmate."   
  
Duo swiftly turned around, his long braid swinging over his shoulder. He was surprised   
to see that Quatre was the one removing the king piece from the board. His eyes nervously, slowly, shifted   
over to Wufei.   
  
The proud chinese soilder gazed down at the board, mouth slightly opened, eyes widened. He gradually lifeted his head upward, metting the eyes of his anxious oponent. Quatre swallowed silently as Duo bit his lip and began to fidget with his hands. Trowa and Heero stared at the scene in silent anticipation. The last thing they need right now was an emotion driven Wufei. 'Definitely not a pretty picture.'   
  
Wufei extended his hand over the board, shocking his audience. He smirked and said, "Good game, Winner."   
  
Quatre shook his hand. His friendly eyes showing a mixture of relief and gratitude. "Yeah. You're an excellent player, Wufei. I was sure from the start that I was going to loose. You really kept me on the edge."   
  
"Next time we play, I will beat you."   
  
Quatre smiled. "I'm counting on it." Getting up, he faced Duo. "Hey, Duo. Why don't you and   
Trowa take up the next game?"   
  
"Sure!" Duo replied happily. Stepping up to the table, he shot a mocking glare at Trowa. "Prepare   
to meet thy doom, Trowa Barton."   
  
The quiet boy smiled softly and sat down. "Black as usual?"   
  
"Ye--" he stopped himself. He looked at the scattered pieces on the chess board, his blue depths   
slowly, yet suddenly becoming distant. His voice was soft and low, "Actually, I think I'll go with white this time."   
  
Trowa nodded and began rearranging the pieces.   
  
Black and White. Those two colours stuck out like a sor thumb to him. They were the colours of   
the chess pieces, the chess board. The colours of Father Maxwell's and Sister Helen's clothes. The metaphoric colours of the simple things in life-- or things that used to be simple anyway. But most importantly, they were the colours of his clothes, the colours of the holy garment that wrapped around his neck. A symbol of where he came from.   
  
  
The Maxwell Church...   
  
  
7 years ago. L2 colony, Maxwell church   
  
"You say you don't believe in God?!"   
  
"Yeah," Duo answered. The seven year old boy sat comfortably on the priests lap, looking at Sister   
  
Helen who sat across from them. "If there really is a God, he should stop the war," he finished explaining.   
  
Father Maxwell gazed down at Duo. "Duo..." he started, his voice was deep but held no sound of being offended by the remark. "God doesn't start wars, people do. People have to end what they start."   
  
Duo considered this for a moment. "Hmm... So it doesn't matter whether there is a God or not, huh?"   
  
"That's not true!" Sister Helen insisted.   
  
"He leaned back in the priest's arms and spoke in a matter-of- factl tone. "I think the only God in the world is Shinigami."   
  
A soft expression of shock came over her delicate features. "Duo... You don't believe in God, but you believe in the Shinigami?"   
  
"Yeah!" he exclaimed. "Because I've never seen a miracle, but I've seen lots of dead people!"   
  
Sister Helen's eyes widened. She exchanged a look with Father Maxwell, both speechless.   
  
Father Maxweel finally broke the silence, a broad smile on his face. "Ha, ha! It's hard to argue with you!"   
  
The nun giggled. "You're quite an interesting child."   
  
  
Duo reveled in the memory. God, those were the memories he would treasure until the day he died. Which, might not be too long from now, he noted.   
  
They loved him. They really, had truely loved him.   
  
Maybe that was what mattered. Maybe it was worth it after all.   
  
Maybe.   
  
  
An hour later.   
  
The five pilots dashed out of the room at break neck speed. Adrenalin cursing through their veins.   
  
Suited up, Duo boarded Deathsythe. He grabbed hold of the controls.   
  
'This might be it.'   
  
He felt the familiar leap of his stomach as the Gundam thrust into action, shooting off into space.   
  
The pilot didn't know if this was what he was born to do, but it was his purpose for now.   
  
Whatever came his way, he was going to face it head on.   
  
'My name is Duo. I run, I hide, but I never lie. Duo Maxwell, God of Death.'   
  
  
THE END   
  
  
  
  
  
  
Hope you liked it. Remember to review!! 


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